The Perfect Apology
How to Handle Mistakes and Other Objections
“To express regret for something that one has done.”
from the Oxford Dictionary
“Mistakes happen. Things go wrong. As humans, we disappoint each other.”
One of my favorite authors, John Stevenson, wrote a piece recently about apologizing and how to avoid getting defensive, making excuses, or blaming others. He offered a simple 4-step process: Listen, show gratitude, apologize, and solve.
Apologizing is a human behavior that acknowledges and resolves an issue. In business, it’s more than learned behavior; it’s an essential part of a growth strategy. Apologizing to a disappointed customer can i.e., reduce returns, increase brand reputation, retain loyal clients, increase recurring revenue, and even avoid a legal challenge.
I took the liberty of expanding his four steps to include a few other important considerations. I have a business setting in mind, though the principle applies to any type of apology.
Step 1: Start early: Don’t wait, hoping the mistake will go unnoticed, no one speaks up publicly, or it will blow over quickly. Expect that it will get worse with time. The sooner you take action, the better.
Step 2: Ideally, in person: Picking the right setting is important. My ideal is in person; this allows for eye contact and body language to support the sincerity of the apology.
Step 3: Listen carefully. When a customer or client approaches you with a problem, stop what you’re doing and listen. And ask clarifying questions to show that you are actively listening. Make sure the client has the opportunity to bring everything out into the open. Saying it out loud and to your face is a first feel-good moment for the client. Ask to make sure everything has been said.
Step 4: Thank sincerely. When thanking a customer for a complaint, it shows appreciation and that you really care. Showing gratitude diffuses the situation. It is the perfect ending to the listening phase.
Step 5: Apologize. This is obviously the core piece of the process, hence a few thoughts:
A quick mumbled “I’m sorry” won’t cut it.
Apologizing with patience and empathy is showing the client you heard them and understood the pain you have caused.
Accept responsibility, even if it is not your personal fault. If you are customer-facing, you represent the company and all its mistakes. And apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
Apologize publicly, especially when others are aware of the mistake as well. Customers are willing to pay more to support honest and trustworthy brands, and transparency is a key component. If you’re going through the torment of making an apology, you may get more value out of doing it publicly.
Your choice of words in the apology is very important and key to coming across as sincere. Avoid words like "if" or "but." They make an apology quickly turn into a lame excuse.
Step 6: Solve. Now it’s time to make things right. Tell the customer or client, step-by-step, how you’re going to fix what went wrong. And then, of course, follow through. You may even want to consider throwing in something extra for their inconvenience. Prove that you can do better.
John Stevenson: “Apologizing the right way not only diffuses the immediate problem but it also helps build a foundation for an even better long-term relationship. The goodwill that comes from an apology can turn into word-of-mouth advertising and increased loyalty.”
A while back, I wrote a blog post about handling sales objections. An objection does not represent a mistake that was made. However, from a prospect's point of view, they represent a concern, aka a perceived mistake about the product or service the seller is pitching. They can be around the price, product fit, missing features, or competitors. And because they are so similar to a mistake, objection handling is very similar to an apology:
Step 1: Listen – demonstrates interest and care, do not interrupt, briefly pause when the client is done.
Step 2: Show Gratitude – say “Thank You," it diffuses, it provides the opportunity to address an obstacle, and it makes the client feel good.
Step 3: Empathize – say, e.g., "I hear this a lot," "I’m sorry you feel that way," "it sounds like this has been very frustrating," "I hear what you’re saying," "I think I can help.”
Step 4: Acknowledge – at a minimum, nod your head - or better, restate the issue you heard. It demonstrates active listening and ensures there are no misunderstandings.
Step 5: Discover – ask questions to uncover all underlying concerns, all individuals that have contributed to the objection, how the customer expects the concern to be addressed, and what happens after you have done so, aka are there further objections?
Step 6: Respond – use the response that is consistently used in your organization and deliver it as if this is a personalized golden goose for this one client.
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John Stevenson - Apologizing
Photo by Anne Gosewehr